maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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