We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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