Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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