Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
