Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
