So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
