She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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