Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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