dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
