Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
