I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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