I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
