Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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