She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
