Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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