im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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