What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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