I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
