2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Boobs are out for the taking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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