it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
