someone threw a dead crab at me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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