Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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