i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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