As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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