i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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