my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
