So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
