We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
