..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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