apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
