Non-Jews are for practice
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
