i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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