Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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