they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think your dad took our porno
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
