Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life is pants optional.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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