Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
