Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
