shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
