At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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