Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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