I've blown a few things in my day
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
