You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
