Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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