Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
