We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
