So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
