omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
