in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
