if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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