i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
