We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
