we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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