Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
COCAINE IS GR8
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
