I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
