god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
