i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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