On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
