I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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