I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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