Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
