bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
