those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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