I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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