God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
