You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
