you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
