just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
