Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Say something about gay babies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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