Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
