I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
