I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
