Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
