Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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