I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
