I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
