saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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