She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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