Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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