smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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