Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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