News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
